nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
