im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
