Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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