no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Your topless pictures make me question reality
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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