I CAN MOONWALK!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
