For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
