my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
