dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
