I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
