I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
