hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
