I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
