let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
