what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
