Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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