he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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