went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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