I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
