he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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