Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
