He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
