Ambien. No doubt about it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
