oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
