TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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