i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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