If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
