I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
