The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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