sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
