Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
