I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
