we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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