So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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