how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
