apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
