This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
