also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The beer is more important than you right now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
