Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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