McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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