what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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