You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why is there bacon in the couch?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
