grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
