Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
