I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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