then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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