I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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