Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
