This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
