I molested 6 butterflies tonight
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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