tell your sister to shave her snatch
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
