and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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