Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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