thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
