I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
