Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
